may 7, 2007: Being & Awareness

--------------- May 7, 2007 -----------------------

If you do not Feel, how then could you feel Being? How would you really Know “Being”? Knowing comes from direct or indirect Experience. When you “feel” something, for example, you are Experiencing Feeling.

If you were able to go into your feelings completely, with all of your focus and attention, you would experience Being. There is an awareness behind the mental programming of our mental state. We are that awareness.

When all of my awareness is focused on Being, I exist as that which can be Felt....or, That which IS,......not as that which is perceived (judged), and not as an idea (in the mind). It is like moving my awareness from the mind, into the stillness. Into what IS.

I feel this is the end of the progression of material evolution. Evolution has been evolving into a more and more complete feeling of Being using the illusion of TIME...Time creates Being, as well as Feeling creates Being. If there was no TIME and there was no Feeling, there would be no Being. Its like Being needs an opposite in order to exist. There is “Being”, or “Awareness”...then there is the external world, there is feeling, experiencing, etc.

It feels like we are coming into a greater sense of Being. This Being is the only One & True existence. But then there is something behind this, a stillness. A non-being, non-existence.

The Ego, ¨Human Personalized Identity¨ re-creates itself through its unconscious Beliefs and ideas......instead of our awareness creating from Truth, or Inner Knowing.

This is where Education is so Important: It can impart higher and more truthful information which can be used for more empowered ideas and beliefs. Education allows for the power of the individual to emerge and develop and, If we each Knew who we ALL were, we would become LOVE and we would become PEACE........but we must first be Informed...in order to change our Beliefs, which in turn is creating our reality. When we are Informed, we are empowered with the Knowledge about how we create our reality....which leads to creating from a place of LOVE.

PEACE is not harming another, because you are aware that you ARE the other.

This understanding comes to earth through the active seeking of individuals. This feeling of Being, this Awareness is growing as the access to Truth-full Information grows.

Humanity is so different from the rest of life on earth because we developed the brain to jump outside of Being...so that we could come into a more full understanding of what Being is.....we developed a brain that could comprehend it. As the Information Age bridges the gaps between culture, religion, and language, we will come to the conclusion that we are all ONE , we are one huge family, and there is no separation except that which we create through our beliefs.

Falling Off The Wagon Hurts

april 10 2007 12am

I am back in the usa. it has been a little over one week.

I am not doing too good at living what i know.

living from a place of spirit.

there are urges to seek gratification and pleasure....

it is so easy to fall of the wagon, so to speak.

so many temptations in the land of the free....america.

I desire to master myself within this system.

to rise above the temptations which limit my growth,

and abuse my power.

i give my power away too easily...to these temptations.

my mind is easily sucked into things such as the internet,

smoking, eating more than I need to, and buying things that I dont need.

a challenge is ahead of me.

a challenge to cleanse myself from limiting and controling mind patterns.....

...sometimes I think it would be easier if I had some help..some support.

but I know that I already have all of the support I need right within me...within the choices I make..

...not to mention the millions of spirits and angels,
and connection with the god within me, to call upon for support.

hi. 4..8.07 easter sunday..

author note: this is an old journal entry from my many notes on life. There is a lot of catching up I would like to do with this blog....The following are some thoughts, feelings regarding my expereince as a human on planet earth:

4..8.07 easter Sunday..

The consciousness on the earth, within humanity, is a collective of energy. Ideas. thoughts.

That mass of consiousness, or god, or creation, is growing in Power.....This power is evolving.

As we evolve in our understandings, This Thing we call GOD is expanding. The Light of My awareness is dissolving shadow, darkness.

The light is limited on earth, until humanity wakes from its dream of separation.
This power is coming to the earth in the form of enlightened, or self/aware human beings...living "gods". We are Creators.

There is no room for darkness in the presence of the power, the light.
this is why the world is currently experiencing pain.
the light is flushing out all of the darkness that has been built up in the human collective of consiousness.

Every dark idea, every last dark thought, every inkling to think or create from a place of darkness,
...Is now being experienced and then cleansed. Each Idea creates and is part of a belief system. It is through that belief system that we judge, analyze, create, and ultimately experience life. The Idea must be fully known, (experienced, then felt, to know whether or not the idea is inline with truth, goodness, love, god...this is true Knowing...because only that which is known, exists.) We are coming to a place of a higher and more TRUE KNOWING. We are coming to this place more and more, every time a human begins to seek truth, question reality, and begins finding answers.

I just finished crying....i felt the pain of The Separation that god is feeling each moment that passes when we, the human family is not connected in LOVE and therefore in Harmony. I felt the separation that I broadcast and exist within every moment that passes when I am living as if everything and everyone is separated....I guess I would feel like shit too if all of my body parts and cells were pulled apart and separated. This is why i cried...i FELT that Separation...like the REAL I, or I AM, or GOD, was in human form and feeling the pain that is created by the illusion of separation.

we cannot and will not become one human family, until we believe we are one human family. or, until I believe we are one human family. There exists separation on earth, because humans believe there is separation. I still have self doubt at times, lack of trust. We believe there is separation, because we are not going within to seek and find answers. When one seeks answers, one finds answers, one eventually is lead to Truth. TRUTH is the only real answer. the connecting force of Love.

Additionally, I have looked within only to find that I AM that energy. At the core of my being, lies this essence. It is from that essence, and by this essence that i exist as joel harris. I must change and correct my beliefs,... and then live by these beliefs, create a reality and world based on these beliefs. based on what I Know to be Truth.

4.1.07 Sitting at Starbucks, A Nice Girl Without Hope

4.1.07, 6:30pm (Author's Journal)

Sitting at Starbucks coffee in Beaverton Oregon.

waiting for stereo alarm and speakers to be installed into my new 1991 ford econoline van

won 600 dollars playing video poker...while waiting and waiting all day for the instalation to be completed....

-Okay, perfect example of current day America:

I had a nice conversation about life with a single mother working in her mother’s video poker cafe.

28 yr old asian-latino female.

obese...more than overweight.

working at familie's video poker lounge.

father committed suicide due to failing business negotiation. He wanted to open up a day spa.

mother: frantic, stressed, complaining about everything and everyone.

heavy stress.

girl, was in auto accident 2 years ago. feels hopeless in every way.

starts work-out program, then after two or three days,

eats her way into a food induced coma and quits.

lives with child and other family members in a 5 bedroom house.

single mom.

unhappy.

television is always on at home.

everyone in family hates each other.

arguments..unhappiness...always.

feels helpless.

trapped.

un-hopeful.

fearful in every way.

sees only negative.

I shared my story with her and she took in what I had to share. was open. nice

kind, warm inside...within the dark outer there was a beautiful inner...a essence...

that is seeking an easy way out. Seeking Freedom.

If it is not going to be easy, she is unable (unwilling) to change..

she wants someone to force her to change...take her away from the television, lock her up and force change upon her.

She feels that she has no power of her own to create change in her life....

She feels that the only option is to force change upon her...someone

or, something else, must create the change in her life, because she feels she can NOT do it herself.

....I feel this is typical in America today. I see, and feel these attitudes in many people...in varying degrees.

interesting.

I love observing people, seeing how the mind works ...how it can free, or control people.

(thoughts)...............................

the descovery of self

happens when one desires to KNOW.

I can see very clearly that the exterior, or material world,

has very little to offer in comparison to inner knowledge.

the exterior falls into order when the inner is in order.

the basis for all life and substance is dependent upon an invisible essence.

when that essence is understood and balanced,

the outer has a firm foundation, a platform from which to stand

forever, and unending,

as the invisible essence is forever and unending.....

my mind, my body....i would like to take my existence more seriously

to focus

to focus on growth, evolution, perfection, a life impeccable.....

.............................

we are from the earth,

we all share the same air,

we are all individuals within the human race,

connected by blood,

and connected by spirit,

and connected through the desire to live in peace,

in happiness, and in love.

we are connected with everyone,

there is no escape from life.....

because the essence of life, which is what we really are,

cannot be destroyed, can never end, and will always be.

death is a lie.

sure, the body may fade away but we are not our bodies.

.......a me n......................................

VIP Lounge, Lima Airport: P E R U..journal

3.28.07...9:50pm

lima airport vip lounge....

somehow i managed to get a ticket into the vip lounge....and well,

I now feel a little out of place.

black suits, laptops at every turn, large flat screen tv, leather couches, chairs, crystal tables,

all propping up the egos of white men with money.

I walk up to the entrance, show my VIP Pass to the front desk, and enter.

this is a strange world we live in. I have entered the world of the VIP, Very Important Person.

It appears that a very important person in this lounge is one who has money....

I don't have money, but the only plane ticket available was in first class.

now I am a very important person. what the hell.

i grab my free coffee, mango juice, snacks and find a seat.

a few awkward looks from people. I am wearing white pants with black native shipibo designs,

handmade in San Francisco Peru....and a maroon t-shirt, and sandals.

the feeling in this lounge is a feeling one has at a funeral

a feeling of wasted life. a stale emptiness. lack of emotion...of feeling...of life.

what happened to the days when the very important person was the person with the most Wisdom.

I have always been curious to know what went on behind the private closed doors of the airport VIP lounge

...and now I know.

free food and drinks with fine luxurious ass kissing.

it would be nice to have a friend, or a real human here to sit with and talk....

i can not imagine having anything in common with the people in this place.

i sit here alone with my laptop computer, coffee, and analyze the passing moments.

-----I'm going to go see if there is internet available in this place......goodbye for now.

3.28.07 Airport, Lima Peru. Journal

Author Notes: This was written on 3.28.07 in my journal. Reflections and observations as I move from the jungle of Peru, to the modern jungle in America.....

·International Airport Lima Peru: 3.28.07: cloudy afternoon 3:30pm

away from San Francisco and the Shipibos,

away from the busy jungle city of Pucallpa,

and back into the Modern World.

busy travelers, western culture, expensive fast food,

and overpriced last minute souvenirs.

it is a challenge to see life the way I know it exists.

the magic of creation, and of spirit,

is much easier to see when submerged within the perfect simplicity...

of life outside of Materialism.

the magic is still happening everywhere.

however, it is a challenge to see it....

through the thick plastered material western world.

creation is everything.

where logic fails, the magic of spirit thrives...

ideas such as coincidence, synchronicity, dejavu, imagination, inspiration

all belong to the realms of spirit, of creation

and cannot be grasped within the limits of LOGIC.

LOGIC has run its course within the annals of human history

and it is now coming to an end.

LOGIC is not based on unfailing TRUTH

LOGIC has limitations as it is based on judgments

LOGIC has turned into its opposite: INSANITY

Everything that is not based on TRUTH

is without a foundation with which to stand.

LOGIC has been used to gain material possessions.

LOGIC has been used to strengthen the ego.

logic is coming to an end because it has no future.

.................................................

"nothing" is not an object of knowledge

it cannot be made into something,

otherwise it becomes something.

it is equal to spirit, energy, god, creation, unmanifested, space.

space has no existence....

however it allows everything else to exist.

silence has no existence either.

nor does the unmanifested.

what is the essence of a room....empty space.

space is nothing

what is not there, is more important than what is there.

think about nothing, do nothing,

be silence

be space

after becoming still,

just be.

............

"if there was no illusion

there would be no enlightenment"

-the Buddha

.............................

physical pleasure

outward gratification

happiness from physical pleasure

psychological gratification

....short lived, fulfillment seeking somewhere in the future,

taking the power away from "the Now".....

happiness is only gained in the present moment.

time is the greatest obstacle to salvation

i am there

there is no need to seek god

the only point of access to god is the NOW

[notes from Eckhart Tolle, the power of now]

.........................................

3.22.07 San Francisco Peru: Journal Entry

3.22.07

Author Notes: this journal was written while in a small native/ indigenous Shipibo community near Pucallpa Peru, just before returning to the USA after 1 year in the Amazon regions of Peru.

I am in San Francisco Peru right now, rain falling outside, Brett Dennon music playing on the laptop....
mosquito guts smeared across the computer screen.
Tulasi sleeping deeply in a comma of bliss accross the mosquito netted room from me
candel lit
mapacho tobacco nearby
feeling glorious

I traveled with Marcin from Poland, his 2 friends Tom and Dorota, to Iquitos PERU
where I met up with Rossy, a young Shipibo girl I new from from San Francisco. We got together and are at present time boyfriend girlfriend, and feel that i am going into a long distance relationship as i leave Peru in 1 week.
Together, we traveled to the Pacaya Samiria jungle reserve for one week
then, came back to Iquitos and said goodbye to Rossy as she had to return to san fran for school, and we left by boat to Yurimaguas....then onto Tarapoto by bus. I wanted to meet up with Ali who was visiting a community in the hills. he was not there and had left the day before our arrival. We entered the small pueblo of San Roque de Cumbaza.

Absolutely transforming adventure..vacation, traveling with Johnny was a blessing.
He opened up to "god" and god spoke through him to me: "never forget to pray to god- pray every moment..life should be a prayer, a walking talking conversation with god." This was the message and I felt it, and heard it, loud and clear.

How are we to know god if we never have conversations...if we never talk?
It is like any other kind of relationship, it takes time, energy, desire, and communication.

In San Roque we came across a huge pile of shrooms and had a ceremony.
spoke to god through Johnny
pure enlightened truth, Johnny was no longer present as johnny.

The next day i watched a documentary called The Secret.
The Secret talks about the :Law Of Attraction: and i realized that everything i came seeking came to me
through this universal LAW
i had tears in my eyes as the message came to me so clear that my journey in Peru was over. time to go HOME.

Marcin wanted to travel with me another month or two around Peru to see Cuzco and Macci Pichu, then Lake Titicaca.
however, the message came through loud and clear. it is time.....

I choose to stop by San Fran on the way home to talk more with Rossy, and check in on the animals and house, and Tulassi, all is as expected, animals happy, good energy in the home and throughout the land.

So nice to be here..feeling the complete freedom.
. ...plane flight leaves from Lima to Portland on the 28th...cant wait to see my old friends back in the western world...
my magical blessed adventure has been so inspiring on every level of my being.

I know myself like never I thought I would
Thank you god, creator, self.

Resting now, taking the 1 year in Peru, into my soul, one breath at a time..
exhaling love, gratitude, peace, and happiness out into my world and universe.
blessings unending

joel:)

................................

- t r u t h -

truth came as a thief in the night

stealing my identity

robbing me of me

truth is a candle lit in the darkness-

soul opening and expanding

the light and energy dissolving fear,

dissolving everything that is clouded.

bringing light into the day-

hope is not needed,

Truth is the only thing that exists.

...............................

when will the world end
when will there be an apocalypse
when will the second coming happen
what will happen in 2012
will there be a pole shift,
...an ice age,
total destruction etc..etc...

these questions come from fear
they come from a place of dissatisfaction
from being disconnected with god truth and self
if i am with god in this moment
then there are no questions, there is trust, and flowing within guidance.
why not spend my time perfecting self
instead of preoccupation over possible futures?

the future does not exist....there is only this moment and potential possibilities.

why waste the time and life i have been given....?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------