4.1.07 Sitting at Starbucks, A Nice Girl Without Hope

4.1.07, 6:30pm (Author's Journal)

Sitting at Starbucks coffee in Beaverton Oregon.

waiting for stereo alarm and speakers to be installed into my new 1991 ford econoline van

won 600 dollars playing video poker...while waiting and waiting all day for the instalation to be completed....

-Okay, perfect example of current day America:

I had a nice conversation about life with a single mother working in her mother’s video poker cafe.

28 yr old asian-latino female.

obese...more than overweight.

working at familie's video poker lounge.

father committed suicide due to failing business negotiation. He wanted to open up a day spa.

mother: frantic, stressed, complaining about everything and everyone.

heavy stress.

girl, was in auto accident 2 years ago. feels hopeless in every way.

starts work-out program, then after two or three days,

eats her way into a food induced coma and quits.

lives with child and other family members in a 5 bedroom house.

single mom.

unhappy.

television is always on at home.

everyone in family hates each other.

arguments..unhappiness...always.

feels helpless.

trapped.

un-hopeful.

fearful in every way.

sees only negative.

I shared my story with her and she took in what I had to share. was open. nice

kind, warm inside...within the dark outer there was a beautiful inner...a essence...

that is seeking an easy way out. Seeking Freedom.

If it is not going to be easy, she is unable (unwilling) to change..

she wants someone to force her to change...take her away from the television, lock her up and force change upon her.

She feels that she has no power of her own to create change in her life....

She feels that the only option is to force change upon her...someone

or, something else, must create the change in her life, because she feels she can NOT do it herself.

....I feel this is typical in America today. I see, and feel these attitudes in many people...in varying degrees.

interesting.

I love observing people, seeing how the mind works ...how it can free, or control people.

(thoughts)...............................

the descovery of self

happens when one desires to KNOW.

I can see very clearly that the exterior, or material world,

has very little to offer in comparison to inner knowledge.

the exterior falls into order when the inner is in order.

the basis for all life and substance is dependent upon an invisible essence.

when that essence is understood and balanced,

the outer has a firm foundation, a platform from which to stand

forever, and unending,

as the invisible essence is forever and unending.....

my mind, my body....i would like to take my existence more seriously

to focus

to focus on growth, evolution, perfection, a life impeccable.....

.............................

we are from the earth,

we all share the same air,

we are all individuals within the human race,

connected by blood,

and connected by spirit,

and connected through the desire to live in peace,

in happiness, and in love.

we are connected with everyone,

there is no escape from life.....

because the essence of life, which is what we really are,

cannot be destroyed, can never end, and will always be.

death is a lie.

sure, the body may fade away but we are not our bodies.

.......a me n......................................