Introduction
As a child, I looked out at the world with so much curiosity. When I fell asleep at night, I would think about God and try to understand where I came from. As much as I thought about the origins of life, I could never seem to figure it out. Where did all of this begin? If there was a God, then who created God? All of this creation and life had to begin somewhere, so then what created life? How can something exist before nothing existed? After lying in bed for hours thinking about my life and the origins of life, I would drift off into the land of dreams, and then wake up to a new day filled with more unanswered questions.
As a child, I also felt an inner desire to travel. I wanted to explore the world. I wanted to go out into the world by myself, and prove to myself that I could make it on my own. I imagined traveling to Mexico or South America. I imagined visiting new places, and discovering new people and cultures along the way. Deep within, I wanted to understand why I was here on earth, and I thought that traveling to new places would help me answer these questions.
I looked out at the world and saw so much pain, suffering, and unhappiness. I saw unhappiness within my own family, and I wondered why it was so difficult to live in peace. Why is there War? And why do Americans have so much, when most of the world has so little? Why do our leaders speak of peace and goodwill on one hand, while holding nuclear bombs in the other? I wanted to understand, but none of this made any sense to me.
I didn’t find answers to these questions in school. Instead, I learned how to multiply and divide numbers. I learned about Christopher Columbus, George Washington, and how to spell words correctly. I learned about science, history, and mathematics. There were no classes on philosophy, or world religions, or discussions about Truth and Love. I felt like I was being forced to learn information that was not really important.
By the age of 14 I entered my freshmen year of High School, and had stopped asking questions. My priorities shifted. I wanted to be cool, to dress cool, be accepted by my friends, and have as much fun as I could. I remember slowly disconnecting from the inner voice within me; I began to ignore my conscience. At night when I was going to sleep, I would think about girls instead of God. I would think about my homework, an argument with my parents, or the Gulf War. Sometimes, I would think about friends and teachers, or listen to the radio as I drifted off to sleep. There were still unanswered questions within me, but I was ignoring them.
After 12 years of school in the American education system, I had no desire to go to college. I had enough school and I wanted to enjoy life. I still had a desire to see the world but I had no money, and my job at a hardware store wasn’t going to get me very far. After working for 6 months, and feeling pressure to do something productive with my life, I thought about joining the military. A few months later, I found myself enlisted in the US Marines.
My 4 years in the military took me around the world to Australia, South Korea, and Okinawa, Japan. I was stationed on Military bases in California, North Carolina, and New York. After experiencing different cultures and talking with a variety of people from all walks of life, I began to find more and more pieces of the puzzle.
After the military, I had an office job for two years where I felt like I was slowly dying. I had to find some way to break free. There had to be something I could do that would allow me to have a sense of freedom. In 2002, while walking across Northern Spain on an ancient pilgrimage route, I discovered that I wanted to be an artist.
I moved from Santa Cruz, California to Portland, Oregon, and over the next few years, I established myself as a self-employed artist. This gave me more freedom, and a lot of time to think about life. I wasn’t interested in becoming a famous artist. I wanted to have freedom, time to meditate, a healthy lifestyle, and to do things that I felt good about. My journal writing allowed me to travel within, and consider things in my life more deeply and thoroughly. As I discovered more about myself, I began to focus on my desire to find answers more than anything else.
I started to meet more and more people that were searching for the same answers. I started to notice that I was being guided by something. I began finding more pieces of the puzzle in unexpected places. Eventually, this guiding force led me to Peru on a voyage of self-discovery. The following pages document my thought process, my questions, experiences, feelings, and the ultimate discovery of answers to my questions. When I began writing in my journal it was not my intention to share, or publish this information. But, as my journey in Peru came to an end, I felt inspired to share my story with others who are on their own path of self-discovery.
Many of my experiences have led me out of the structured non-questioning reality in which many people in the western world exist. So it is recommended that the following words are considered with an open mind, and most importantly, an open heart.
(click image for close-up view)
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